


Making a Mockery, Or, Like Andraste on the Path to Freedom

by EradiKate



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Bad Puns, Fenris Makes Jokes, Gen, Humor, Interrogation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 07:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17762165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EradiKate/pseuds/EradiKate
Summary: Hawke and company try asking some questions.  When that fails, Fenris gets snarky.  Written for the prompt "sarcasm is the body's natural response to stupidity" on behalf of someone else.





	Making a Mockery, Or, Like Andraste on the Path to Freedom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Inuy21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inuy21/gifts).



“The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the slavers have been taken to task,” Hawke announced.  “I feel like I could sing, myself.”

 

“Please don’t,” Fenris said, securing the knots on their prisoner’s wrists and surveying his handiwork.  “You’ll deafen this sorry sod and then he’ll be no use at all.”

 

“Shall we gloss over that horrible insult to my honor and begin questioning our new friend?”  Hawke strutted along the path, peering down the rocky cliff. “Where’d Isabela run off to? We need her to employ her special brand of...persuasion.”

 

Sebastian sighed and shouldered his bow.  “Perhaps I could try? As far as he is from the righteous path, he is still a child of the Maker.”

 

The party’s new friend spat a glob of blood (and perhaps a broken tooth) onto the sand.  “Not likely I’ll tell you lot anything. Not even you, Chantry sister.”

 

“My brother,” Sebastian began earnestly, “surely you have heard the Chant of Light and the promise of redemption through the Maker?”

 

Hawke cut him off before Sebastian could be completely caught up.  “No, this won’t do. Ah, Isabela! You’re just in time. We could use your help convincing this fellow.”

 

The pirate perched on a piece of driftwood, wiped her blades on her tunic, and examined the slaver.  “I can’t say I like them tied up like this, but I’ll do what I can. Now then, love, what’s your name?”

 

“I could have asked that,” Fenris groused.  Isabela silenced him with a wave of her hand and looked expectantly at the trussed-up man.

 

“Nunio.”

 

All four sighed.  “As in Nunio Business, I’m sure,” Sebastian drawled, twirling an arrow idly.

 

“...No?”  

 

“How green do you think we are?”  When Hawke didn’t get an answer, he turned to Isabela, who only shrugged at him.

 

“We’re wasting time.”  Fenris kicked the man in the ribs, drawing a loud grunt of pain.  “Who are you working for?”

 

“I dunno that, all right?  Some rich old asshole from Tevinter!”  Nunio spat on the ground again. “I didn’t get the orders, I just stayed back to guard most of the time.”

 

“Imagine that,” Isabela remarked.  “Brain like yours and all they have you doing is standing guard.  What a waste.”

 

Fenris chose to ignore that aside.  “Where were you taking your captives?”

 

“What’s it to you, anyway?”  The man squinted at Fenris. “You the Champion of Kirkwall or something?”

 

“No,” Fenris replied, completely straight-faced.  “I’m the prince of Starkhaven.”

 

Hawke nearly choked.  “I’m the king of Ferelden.”

 

“And I’m the Holy Mother herself,” Isabela added.  “We’re going to free the slaves, like Andraste.” Nunio looked warily at each of them in turn, probably realizing someone was mocking but unsure of exactly how.

 

Sebastian groaned.  “The Chantry frowns on taunting those less fortunate than you, Fenris.”

 

“Does it?  I see I still have much to learn.”  Even as he said the words, Fenris did not seem particularly contrite.

 

“Don’t scold him, Sebastian,” Hawke grinned.  “Sarcasm is the body’s natural response to stupidity.”

 

“Hey,” their captive complained.  “I don’t know nothing, are you going to let me go or what?”

 

“We can’t let him go,” Fenris said.  “He’ll just go back to slaving.”

 

“The Maker—”

 

“Doesn’t like wholesale slaughter, Sebastian, we know.”  Hawke tapped his chin. “Let’s leave him like this. See how he does.”  Sebastian did not seem too pleased with the proposed plan.

 

“Look at it this way, darling,” Isabela suggested.  “If he survives, we’ll know he did it with the Maker’s blessing.  Nobody that stupid could live otherwise.”


End file.
